Wednesday, January 22, 1997


many times i feel sad
i dont know why
i may have been bad
i think its called depression
when youre always sad

life may be something fun
for you but not for me
i wish i could fly to the sun
but it is too hot and i would die
however that might be fun

i am seeing a doctor
once every two weeks
i knock on his door
he talks to me and gives me medicine
but i dont know if it works from the doctor

whenever it rains
i feel somewhat better
whenever it shines i cry out in pain
maybe its too bright
but i like the rain

i have an uncle whos
been an alcoholic
he got in trouble with the fuzz
hes better now but thats
no excuse for making me go boo-hoo

my mom is on prozac
im on zoloft
both for the same illness
it helped my mom and it should me too
but zoloft is not working maybe will prozac

drugs may help
and they may hurt
ive never tried them
so i dont know
but maybe they do help

i talked to a friend
just last night
she said i should never end
what ive got to live for
i believe her my ex-girlfriend

i know im not alone
but at times i feel like i am 
i can get help through friends on the phone
but sometimes they just laugh and say
sean youre not alone

other kids are alone too
at least they think they are
maybe they just dont know what to do
maybe theyre frightened and lonely
sometimes i am frightened and lonely too

when i was a freshman
and on the swim team
a man hanged himself i think his name was juan
i didnt know him that well
still it impacted my life as a freshman

when i was at camp
in the summer of 95
i sat in my tent with a knife in my hands clamped
i wrote a note to the others and realized that
it would ruin more lives than mine at camp

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